It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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