He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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