before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
