the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
