She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
