how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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