What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
