I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
