i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
