Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's always time for handjobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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