woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love having hate sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
