she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
