I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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