So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
