he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
