Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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