I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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