Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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