There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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