Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
