1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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