So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am available for nakedness
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
