We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
