He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
