This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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