I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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