upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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