You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You pole danced in your parka.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
