he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
