last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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