Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
