I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why do cheetos always look like penises
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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