I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
