I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
