A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
