just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
