Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
