she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
