The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
