I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
