You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
