i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
