1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
