I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
