she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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