cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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