How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
