i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
