you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
