I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
