I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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