I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
