The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
