well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
