she woke up with a sticky ear
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
