EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
