I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
