I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
