Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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