tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
