the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize